Do you know why this dress looks so wonderful?

Well, do you? I can tell you. The reason this dress looks so absolutely, mindbogglingly, astoundingly stunning is because the waist is twenty-four goddamn inches. It’s enough to make a girl take up tightlacing. I’m gonna get a four-poster bed to hang on to while an obliging person pulls mightily on my whalebone undergarments. Sheesh. who needs working internal organs, anyway? highly overrated. I already give blood; it’s not quite such a big jump to a kidney or something.

Anyway, if you already have a 24-inch waist (and are older than 12, because this dress is identified adults ONLY) don’t tell me (I might cry). Instead, click on the link and get this beaut for only $78! The very conscientious vintage Martini site specifies that there’s some strain on the back seams — but that’s what you must expect. When you have a dress this pretty with a 24 inch waist, there will be people trying it on too enthusiastically and too hopefully. (This is why I carry a tape measure, folks. measure something before you try it on; it saves your ego and — a lot more crucial — the dress.)

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